Great Scott, comic fans!
Or as the infamous web-crawler exclaims himself, “Holy Toledo, my spider-burrito™!”
New pictures have surfaced from some premiere thing of the one and only Emma Stone with her hair bleached back to her original color for her role as Gwen Stacy in the reboot of the spectacular Spider-man franchise, that unholy, jaw-dropping creation of comic-makers Stan Li and Bill Finger! That was a mouthful!
The internet is a buzz! Look at this girl! She has blonde hair!
It’s a marvelous time to be alive, spider-fans! Imagine all those children reading the Spider-man comics back in 1928, when the character was first created, they’ll never get to see Emma Stone’s hair color! They’re dead!
One comment I heard while “trolling” the web was that Emma Stone looks as smooth and clean-cut as a Jack Kirby drawing, and I have to say, the resemblance is uncanny!
But with this cavalcade of historic comic-book news, a new set of photos have been released of the other cast members of this Spider-man reboot-phenomenon with their new hairstyles! And I have the scoop right here first! It is unbelievable!
ANDREW GARFIELD
Young and hip, fresh off the set of Justin Timberlake’s Social-Network, Andy, as his friends call him, is stylin’ a whole new hairdo, straight outta the comics! I can hear the ghost of creator Stan Li now! He’s saying, “Help me! For the love of God help me out of this box! Oh, boo hoo!”
RHYS IFANS
We have a new super villain on our hands, and with a new super villain we’re gonna need a new haircut! Our skippy foreign gentlemen, fresh off the set of some film I never heard of is up to bat to bring new life to the classic Spider-man villain, the Riddler! Hoo-ha! Riddle me that!
SALLY FIELDS
Look at these cookies. You’re staring at the new Aunt May, Peter Parker’s caretaker and moral-nuisance. Can she show Spider-man that responsibility can truly make a difference to those inner city youths and win the league championships? I don’t know. I don’t know who this character is, I don’t know. Can’t wait to see this fresh face on billboards though!
SPIDER-MAN
Hey, look! Spider-man is getting in on the action! What a rascal! Originality!
MOLEMAN
Back on the scene and ready to cause trouble! What’s Moleman’s role! I don’t know. I honestly don’t know… Oh, Christ, oh, God… Jesus, help me…
TOBEY MAGUIRE
Hey! You get out of here! You had your shot! And you blew it! You lost everything that night in Vegas! What? You didn’t know I was there? Of course I was there, in the shadows, martini in hand, camcorder in the other! I saw everything! And it’s all on tape! I’ll ruin you! I’LL RUIN ALL OF YOU!
And now, Ladies and gentlemen, the Lizard pictorial spread:
MERRY HOLIDAYS.
--fancier dan
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