Joey's GAMER CHAT & REVIEWS: Heavy Rain and Metroid: Other M

Yo, guys, it’s your old pal Joey Merrick and it’s time for my riff on the current state of gaming culture. If you notice anything awesome about today’s post, it’s the fact that I just got blue blockers (finally found some that fit my head)—I took that picture as soon as I got home and filtered it with some sweet photoshop effects—I’m like Che Guevara, but for the gamers (and sexier too, lol)

I’d like to thank admin “Fancier Dan” for lettin’ me post on his account, considering the fact that none of the other admins will let me have an account (I know, WTF, man. Whatev.)

Let’s see if we can break things down, shall we?

Let's see who will get the coveted "THUMBS UP"

First review, dudes:

HEAVY RAIN

Let’s see, plot: blah blah blah, some guy’s a killer or some shit, blah, blah, more talking, naked chick, some more shit, etc… Yeah, one of those was pretty awesome (I’m talkin’ about that sweet ass cut scene with a fine female—sadly, design is lacking, should have went with a DOA: Beach Volleyball design, you know what I’m talkin’ about!), but other than that short brilliance the rest is BORING! It tries to be all psychological and shit, but if I wanted any of that I’d steal my Mom’s prescriptions out of her purse and head over to the Duane Reade.

There’s a mini game where you have to take care of a baby. WTF? If I wanted that I’d go over to my Aunt’s and babysit the cousins (not doing that, bitches). That, my friends, is a capital B to the OGUS. Bogus.

I only got half way through the game (hell, I don’t even know) when I threw down my game controller and had enough of this shit. I took that M.F.er back to the Blockbuster faster than you can say, “the Wii controller sucks ass-balls” (I swear, I’m keepin’ that Blockbuster alive with all my game rentals, lol).

These game designers (Quantum Dream, obviously) need to get their act together—thank Jeebus (Simspons, lol) I still got my ever-lovin copies of Halo: Reach and CoD (that’s “Call of Duty” for you noobs). You want drama? Load those discs in, bitches. I’ll show you drama.

I give it:

NO THUMBS UP.

NEXT:

METROID: Other M

Fun play, at least it had real shooting unlike that gag-fest I reviewed above. You shoot some aliens and shit, don’t remember most of the plot—I was playin’ it at my Mom’s house at like 3 in the morning so I put the TV on mute, put earbuds in and listened to some badass Muse.

You shoot things, they explode. What else can a gamer ask for? This almost makes you forget how sucky the Wii controller is (super sucky).

Super mega bonus: We get to see Samus without her armor suit on more. Super hot, needs more boobage, but I take what I can get. Her armor even comes off when she takes more damage (definition of wicked, man!!!). I remember back on Super Smash for the N64 I would pause that shit every time Samus got a thunder bolt from Pikachu (naked pixels ftw!!!1). I’m still looking for the nude patch for this sucker. A friend on a message board told me one would be released soon, so I’m holdin’ on. Can’t wait.

Couldn’t finish the game though, dudes. Right arm started cramping up from the pressure, then I got the ol’ seizures again. Mom had to rush me to the hospital. Dr. Treves gets super pissed when I play games, says it doesn’t comply with my bone structure. Eff him. Gamer till I die, WOOT WOOT!

I give Metroid: Other M:

FOUR THUMBS UP.

X 4!

——GAMING NEWS, BROS:

MARVEL VS. CAPCOM: Fate of Two Worlds looks so hella sweet—the definition of sweetness (“Fate of Two Worlds = FTW, lmao). Best part looks to be the inclusion of Deadpool, who IS the best Marvel character of all time. He’s awesome because he’s funny but he’s also willing to blow your head away. CHIK-CHIK BOOM! He could kick Captain America’s and Spider-man’s ass if he really want to—and let’s just say my shelf is packed with Deadpool trade paperbacks—game should be called DEADPOOL: FTW. Let’s just say I can relate to the dude: He’s a badass and he’s got a scarred up face underneath his mask (lol).

Hope a nude patch for Chun Li shows up.

—

That butt-face Roger Ebert still sayin’ shit about videogames? He just doesn’t get us, man. Games are life—life is art.

Damn, I got poetic there for a sec (no homo, lol).

Old man Ebert is just like my Mom and Dr. Fred Treves. They’re always ragging on me about my gaming, and I’m sick of it. Josh from down the street says that over the summer he’s gonna road trip with his bros to LA for some big skating tourney, thought I could tag along, hang out in the promised land for a while, get picked up as a game tester, then hit it big! So long, Mom and Dr. Treves. I’ll be in the big time! (don’t tell my Mom, lol)

Well, that about wraps up my game-talk. I’ll get back to you guys as soon as I can. Mom’s yelling at me, need to wash some crevices before she takes me out to her church group brunch down at the Applebee’s. She better have cleaned my burlap sack, hate when it itches. Shit, this is gonna blow. She HAS to let me play CoD after this.

JOEY M. OUT!

CBL Movie Review: Paprika

All the die-hard moviegoers can punch me in the face for not having seen Inception (yet). However, given the screencaps and plot summaries I have read of the latter, I can (semi-safely) say that were Inception a brightly lit, beautifully animated technicolor mindfuck, it would be like Paprika.

So what is this movie about? Dreams. Dream technology. Psychology. Freudian allusions and Jungian images (butterflies, dolls, wise old men). Mostly, it's a wild, gorgeous trek through surrealist landscapes and nonsensical dialogues, frozen running and familiar strangers that we so often find hiding in the corners of our own minds. There's funny and creepy, disturbing and psychedelic, and when it's over you want to slide that little bar on your computer to the way, way, left, and experience it all over again.

Paprika, Satoshi Kon, 2006. Rated R.

All About Will (10/14/10)

7:03 -"You're eating rocks on Halloween!...or something rock like...like crumble cake -or a really old biscuit" -Will

7:04 -Denim Trench Coat stole all the free food! He was carrying a whole damn tray!

7:10 -Nude Doom Patrol

7:11 -A Mummy wearing a diaper

7:13 -"Andrew, open your mouth" -Dan

7:14 -Selecthumor is having religious prophecies about "Back to the Future 4"

7:18 -Shirtless man wearing a Speedo? Zangief.

7:20 -Bruce Campbell wore a bow tie at NYCC

7:21 -Steven Seagal owns a winery -and a Carvel franchise

7:24 -The Beetlejuice stage show at Universal Studios Hollywood makes us feel bad...like "The Garbage Pail Kids Movie" bad

7:25 -Clint Howard is Justin Bieber's future

7:26 -"Wheatsworth -its like a butler made out of bread" -Will

7:36 -Dan's presentation of his script for "Wizard Dog". "Four stars. Check it out." -Mike

7:44 -Wendy kills a dolphin

7:47 -"Basil Bub" -Selecthumor

7:49 -"Will, you just crack yourself up" -Courtney
"I know. I'm vain" -Will

7:52 -Taimur went on a date to see "The Addams Family" musical

7:53 -New Scooby-Doo cartoon reveals that Fred is totally gay

7:57 -"Let's all remember 'Accepted'!"

7:59 -Taimur is frantically searching Manhattan for a vest

8:00 -"There's a pretty good vest place near my dorm" -Will

8:01 -"We hit our quote for necrophilia" -Will

8:07 -Will is always ready to punch any Communist in the face

8:11 -"...I rub it in their faces, even if they're right" -Will

8:15 -"I think Will just came out" -Courtney
"I have trouble not being an asshole. It's a problem" -Will

8:19 -"I'm going to be successful in my endeavors. You can be, too."
"Gee, thanks."

8:20 -"When you're with me, you can only think about me!" -Will

8:25 -"We named the dog X-Wing Fighter"

8:29 -"That dog should burn in Dog Hell...and I mean that in the sincerest way" -Dan

8:30 -Porno Steve -we reached our foot fetish quota.

Then, we all went out to dinner at Veselka. ALF was discussed. 'Nuff said.

Greatest American Comic Book League Meeting (10/7/10)

7:01 -"You’re gonna pick up a whore?! You’re really gonna pick up a whore! Aw, that’s -that’s just great. You want your cab to smell like whore? Because that’s what’s gonna happen if you pick up that whore!"

7:09 -We can hardly wait for the television adaptation “The Walking Dead” -ZOMBIES!

7:16 -“My favorite president is Courtney” -Will

“What about Teddy Roosevelt? Hey, what about Taft?” -Mike

7:18 -It’s A Fact: William Howard Taft is the only president to serve most of his presidency in a bathtub

7:20 -”Pee-Wee*? He’s probably dead at this point.” -Will *Pee-Wee the gas station attendant*

7:21 -“‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ was written during the Civil War, right? It’s a sci-fi novel like ‘1984’. He got it right...Yeah, Harper Lee is George Orwell’s pen name.” -Will

7:22 -“Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp” -Lars from Heavyweights

7:24 -“Do you still own the suit?” -Selecthumor to William Katt, the former star of ‘Greatest American Hero’

7:25 -Selecthumor informs us that there was an unaired pilot for a spin-off of ‘Greatest American Hero’ called ‘Greatest American Heroine’…’Greatest American Heroine’, really?

7:27 -Return of the Denim trench coat

7:29 -Whatever happened to Wyatt Wingfoot?

7:31 -“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” -Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield), Caddyshack

7:33 -Blood match for the CBL Presidency!

7:35 -Calvin Coolidge was the Wolverine of the U.S. Presidents

7:37 -“Duck boobies!” -Taimur

7:38 -“Yeah, Michael J. Fox was in the duck suit.” -Will

7:41 -Will has veto Don Vito power

7:44 -The Chili Dog Whisperer

7:46 -Tim Allen as Mary Jane Watson

7:48 -Dylan Baker was probably really pissed about ‘Spider-man 4’ being cancelled

7:50 -We’re all intrigued by “The Seven Brothers Meet Dracula”

7:54 -Dan plays “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles on his phone for no reason

7:55 -“Jimmy Neutron is like Dexter’s Lab for Down Syndrome kids” -*name withheld*

7:59 -Dan just told Will to take Selecthumor to the shaft…y’know like Vader did to Emperor Palpatine.

8:00 -Zing of the Night: “She [Helen Keller] graduated from Harvard with a law degree. You couldn’t do that with all of your senses” -Eitan to Will

8:05 -Is Estelle “Mother” Winslow still alive?…Nope. Aw.

8:09 -Taimur’s nickname would be Scene-It

8:10 -“Aw, c’mon! Get those Plagues off of my Fangoria!” -Mike

8:12 -Howard Dean looks like he has the Eitan disease -Eitan-itis

8:18 -“Did you know Patrick Warburton is the voice of Brock Samson on ‘The Venture Brothers’?” -Slowpoke Eitan

8:20 -“We don’t actually shit on Jeff -that’s unsanitary.”

8:22 -“He bought half of his wardrobe at Universal Studios” -Will

8:25 -“Imagine I have as many rings as The Mandarin and T-Rex arms” -Dan, preparing for an impression

8:28 -Phil Molnar is the man

8:31 -Whatever Happened to Tim Curry?

8:34 -Tee shirt & pin-stripe suit pants with Converses is not a good look. At all.

8:36 -Plato, you asshole!

8:38 -Danny Tamberelli let himself go

8:39 -“It’s gone. It fell off the Internet” -Will

8:41 -“Do they have a Bangles wine?” -Dan

8:42 -Wendy doesn’t like us

8:43 -Best Vampire Movie: Dracula: Dead and Loving It

Best Zombie Movie: Sex & The City 2

8:45 -Best Group Cosplay Idea: Recess

8:47 -Andrew is the Young Phil Molnar

8:49 -Recess: The Later Years

8:52 -“Did your car get stuck in the lake that Moses parts?” -Will

8:58 -“Grandma, get off the phone! You’re ruining my connection! I’m trying to post on the ‘Hey Arnold!’ message board!”

9:01 -Taimur starts singing “Grease Lightning”

9:03 -“I just pooped my pants…metaphorically” -Dan

9:06 -“Say it with me, Dan -BULLSHIT!” -Will

9:07 -Will is a lesbian

9:11 -Tommy Pickles is retarded

9:15 -Newt Gingrich looks like the digital number nine

9:18 -We’re just a buncha noids

9:21 -Lorie Beth Denberg got fired for sexual harassment. They were going to sue her for all her Vital Information for Everyday Life

9:25 -“I’m doing the ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ down at the rec center”

9:29 -“Oh my God! The bio teacher’s doing a Poo Bear with a jar of peanut butter in the lab!”

9:31 -Vito Corleone power

9:34 -Chicken fries!

9:40 -Dan Aykroyd from ‘Canadian Bacon’ will be here all week

9:45 -We waited until 9:45. We'll get you next time, Kraft! Next time! *shakes fist dramatically*

A Hot Nerdy Mess: 2 Days of NYCC Madness

I, Wendy, your humble narrator, shall walk you through the life-altering two days I was at NYCC.

Day 1

I have a horrible confession to make. Until last Friday I, in a hassled and confused state (bus times, friend arrival mixups, etc) outside the Javits Center, had never gone to a comic convention before. The very first snatch of fellow con-goer conversation I catch involves Daleks (now I REALLY know I’m in the right place, as though all the costumes didn’t give it away). I squeeze my way past Batman, Ms. Marvel, a few ninjas with their respective village headbands and five Sweet Lolitas to make my way to the DC booth where our beloved Madame President Courtney is to save me from the onslaught. The rest:

I stop at the Marvel booth to say hello to my old bosses (hi Jordan!)! I finally meet the famous Agent M! I grouch over the loss of working around action figures all day long for horrid physics lectures with freshman philosophy majors (DIE)! Then:

Artist’s Alley: Katie Cook of Marvel Cats’ fame—Spider Cat versus Sand Cat. A total sweetheart who did a five dollar watercolor and pen commission for me of Chessie and three for Madame Prez. I say hi and shake hands with Scott Reed, the writer of Incredible Hulks: Enigma Force, which I worked on during my last days at Marvel. A moment of synchronicity: Madame Prez and I are found by Fancier Dan and Andrew, then all of us ambush Mike and Will three aisles away (Will’s shiny blue Human Torch outfit helped). We all troll around the floor. Many many photo ops for Will! Then (sans Courtney, boo):

Robot Chicken Panel, After Waiting An Hour In Line, Listening To Will Bemoan How Tired He Is: Macaulay Culkin, Seth Green, Seth Green’s Wife and Matthew Seinreich. Potential vague spoilers for the upcoming season: Home Alone (hence Macaulay Culkin’s appearance), Christmas and more Star Wars. After:

Venture Bros’ Panel, And Will Is Still Tired: “Quit wastin’ my time-time!” Henchmen, Q&A, rabid fans, uproarious laughter, I-can’t-say-much-more-since-I-don’t-watch-the-show-but-should-I-know-but-it-was-funny-nonetheless.

Will poses for one last photo even as we’re getting kicked out of the convention center.

Day 2

I roll my four-hours-of-sleep ass out of my bunk, don my pink shades as the X-Men's Jubilee and brace myself for the craziest day at NYCC: Saturday. The mile long line for those poor unfortunate souls who didn’t get tickets in advance make me clutch my treasured weekend pass beneath my yellow coat and thank Asgard and Odin (maybe I should have asked the Thor and Lady Sif I saw to thank Odin for me) that I get to dodge it.

Once again, a meet up with Madame President Courtney, our very own Taimur (TDSpidey616!) and Fancier Dan cosplaying as Ambush Bug outside the Marvel booth. I get cosplay photos taken on the Marvel stage and for Newsarama. We wait outside the bathroom for Will and then something magical happens:

An old man in glasses and a tan suit steps into the bathroom. One double take later: it’s Stan “The Man” himself. Yes, we are inches away from him (peeing). Fancier Dan shouts it and Mike tweets it and I would have too but my phone is a piece of shit and doesn’t get Internet. One group-split later (someone fill the readers in on the Avengers panel, please):

We troll the floor some more, get some Punishers signed for Mike, migrate to the Artist’s Alley where it is marginally less crowded, dodge some Death Eaters, and try to find an ATM in the desolate wasteland that is the far west side of Manhattan (eventually we do). I meet the famous Serge of Midtown Comics and get educated on the origins of “Cool story, bro”. Will gets groped by an Orange Lantern. I get groped by a pair of Old Greggs sporting matching miniature Baileys bottles. I like it. There are many rounds of high fives, a few more photo ops and a shout or two of “JUUUUUUUBES!” There are Deadpools, Ichigos, Lolitas, Chun Li, Green Lantern with Black Canary, Boba Fett, Stormtroopers, and Elastigirl (Doom Patrol, not The Incredibles!). Unfortunately, no more Stan Lee sightings (bathroom or otherwise).

Team Assembles Again post-Avengers: some random chick in loli getup comes up to us and shouts “BOOBIES?” I guess. Taimur proceeds to get slain by Ares. Q&A Panel with Joe Quesada, Brian Michael Bendis, Axel Alonso, Arune Singh, Tom Brevoort, Jeph Loeb, Dan Buckley and CB Cebulski: Will asks about Marvelfest (sadly not happening this year, Quesada apologized). Some guy gets booed out of the room for bitching about how much Quesada sucks in the mic. Said guy should die in a fire, honestly, who does that (answer: assholes). Taimur introduces me to Bendis, whose books I also worked on all summer long at the office. I shake Bendis’s hand (check Phil's video for live coverage!) and grin (he grins back and apologizes for making me proofread all those scripts! What a nice guy!); we all offer our tributes of “Dude you’re awesome!"

The Rest Of The Afternoon: We hunt for merchandise. We look high and low and near and far for this one poster stand where the day before I’d bought a Totoro poster. We finally find it thanks to Will’s sense of direction. Posters, check. The T-shirt stands become lighthouses in the Sea Of Hot Messes And Random Car And Toy Fliers. T-shirts, check. Toys are ogled, two Penguins bought for Madame President. The floor lights suddenly start shutting off and that is our cue to leave. We wait outside on some hard stone benches, admire our haul, and present Courtney with her Penguins. One of the Penguins is missing his vest and socks and both are missing their umbrellas, but if you squeeze the smaller one’s legs together it looks like it’s, um… doing a questionable up-and-down gesture! With that, it’s time to go home.

All photos with me in it are taken by Will (except for the Marvel flickr and Newsarama blog); otherwise they are taken by myself.

EMMA STONE AS GWEN STACY!

As the film world now knows, the role of Spider-man’s love interest in the Spider-man reboot has gone to actress Emma Stone.

Ms. Stone’s casting as Gwen Stacy, one of Spider-man’s most beloved girlfriends, comes to no shock—primarily because she looks absolutely nothing like former love interest Mary Jane Watson.

But who is Emma Stone? Where did she come from? What’s her deal?

We may never know, nor will we ever find out, but we do know that this is the thrust her career needed. Now that she's been cast in a super-comic hero film, her face is going to be on everything from coffee mugs to franchise-endorsed rock tumblers!

Here are just a few of the roles the star of Easy A has been cast into:

Emma Stone takes on the role of Tim Allen’s “Santa Clause”. During a freak accident, the Santa Clause and his elves awaken sleeping dinosaurs from below the North Pole’s underground caverns, once thought to be lost during the Ice Age. It’s up to the Santa Clause and his magical, jive-talking reindeer to subdue the primeval beasts and save Christmas! Word on the street is that Ms. Stone fought for the role vigorously, as it was always her dream to play the mystical bearded jolly-man Saint Nick. Also, she sounds just like Tim Allen.

Hotel for Dogs is back again! And it’s got a role for Ms. Stone too! She will play Emma Roberts’ shoes. The plot for the film is hush-hush for the time being, with some reports saying that it will reflect the times and involve the current financial crisis. Actor Don Cheadle has dropped out of the film, noted as disagreeing with the direction of the franchise. He has been replaced by Terrence Howard.

That’s right—Spider-man 2! Emma Stone has been cast as Doctor Octopus, fiendish villain of the Spider-man. Word on the street is that her origin will be nearly identical to the comic book incarnation, with the only difference being that the Doctor will be a blonde (believe it or not, Ms. Stone is a true blonde!). The plot involves Doctor Octopus stealing the moon in hopes that he can impress Mary Jane Watson, so she will ask him to the Sadie Hawkins Dance. The Spider-man must get the moon back before midnight or the moon’s disappearance will mess with the earth’s tides, flooding New York City with water and gross sea animals! I can’t wait for this one!

This is the same exact film as the first one, it’s just that Emma Stone’s face was digitally rendered on every single actor’s face. Word on the street is that this picture won’t be released until the body of Lindsay Lohan is found.

This was the last movie I could think of.

--fancier dan

New York Comic Con

Phil Molnar here. I've posted my videos below. A bunch of Leaguetteers in the second video. Huzzah!

CBL Movie Review: "Let Me In"

"Don't let the poster fool you, folks. There are zero snow angels to be found in this flick"

Movie Totals:

• 11 dead bodies
• 1 breast
• 1 awesome car crash
• Multiple gallons of blood
• Gratuitous Bowie
• Gratuitous period piece
• Gratuitous Now & Laters
• Bully Fu (including Wedgie Fu and Pointer Fu)
• Metal Rod Fu
• Acid Fu
• Heads bob
• Heads roll
• Necks roll
• 10 heartwarming preteen/vampire romance moments

"Let Me In" is an honest effort from Matt Reeves, the fella that directed "Cloverfield", in remaking (or what turkeys consider making an homage to) the original 2008 Swedish film "Let the Right One In". I've never seen the original, but I've heard good things. Well, you've got your romance. You've got your horror. Mix that together with Chloe Moretz as a creepy vampire kid and you've got a pretty darn good movie. That's why it gets 4 stars. Check it out.

Unterhaltsam Comicheft!

Here's a special treat, Leaguetteers -two Spidey-themed comics from last Spring's super-smash-hit publication, "Return of the Spring Slaughterfest". We here at the Comic Book League were very excited to sign an exclusive deal with Jurgen Fruchauf & Tortsen Ackermann, Germany's greatest untergrund comix team, for the rights to publish their comics in the good ol' U-S-of-A. We hope to see more from those kooky krauts in the future!

To Kill a Comic Book League (9/30/10)

7:01 -”I love a good gorilla character” -Mike

7:02 -Comic Book League picks for a “Secret Avengers”-esque team set in the DC Universe -“Secret Justice”

Will’s Team: Larfleeze, The Flash, Blue Beetle, Beast Boy, Larry Trainor (Negative Man), Aqua Man

Mike’s Team: Gorilla Grodd, Batman, Green Arrow, Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, L-Ronn

7:06 -Our President’s back/Boo Radley sighting

7:10 -Boo Radley’s being mean

7:12 -Boo Radley scared off our awesome cover artist

7:15 -Socks are being blown off left and right

7:16 -Surprise appearance by Taimur

7:18 -Hipster Galactus

7:20 -Taimur’s Team: Monsieur Mallah, B’wana Beast, Plastic Man, Ace the
Bathound, Starro, Firestorm

7:30 -Giovanni from “Pokemon” is a famous Renaissance artist

7:33 -“Double Rainbow is overrated and lame” -Mike

7:34 -“Boo Radley, 10 points from Ravenclaw!…another 10 points from Ravenclaw!” -Will

7:36 -Universal Studios Amusement Park Theater starring Dan Costales. Tonight’s feature: The Hanna-Barbera Ride

7:42 -“First off, they go down easy” -Will

7:45 -Courtney was meeting with DJ and the rest of the Tanner family in San Francisco

7:48 -“Do you burn your clothes everyday?”

7:49 -CBL’s new greatest hero: Pee Jar Man -The Justice League’s newest member hurls mason jar filled with, well, pee

7:50 -Possible arch-enemy for Pee Jar Man -Shit-On-You Guy

7:51 -“Why do you always want bodily fluids in our issue?!” -Courtney

7:52 -In a dark, apocalyptic future, the CBL New Gods must stand against the tyranny of Boo "Darkseid" Radley…they are The Devil (Will), Devil Dinosaur (Dan), a Hostess Devil Dog (Mike)

7:54 -Drunk Yoda -“I thought he was gonna puke in the mask”-Will

7:57 -Courtney’s Halloween Costume: George McFly

7:59 -”Will, are you the one in the gown?” -Courtney

8:00 -”Everyone was gonna have a great time, but you ruined it” -Will

8:13 -Pregnant Pebbles

8:16 -Pee Jar Man and Purple Arrow -Besties from Hebrew Camp

8:17 -New Title for our upcoming publication: Fall Fap Fest!

8:21 -Our President is playing Bejeweled

8:24 -It’s a Fact: Phil Molnar broke his leg bootlegging sour mash whiskey

8:26 -“Dan, you’re such an asshole!” -Courtney

8:28 -Scene: Batman staring awkwardly at Pee Jar Man

For some reason, the meeting ends early and we wind up at Toy Tokyo. ‘Nuff said.

Hello, My Name Is… (9/23/10)

7:00 -Free name tags!

7:02 -All the books in Bobst look old and intimidating

7:05 -Shadowland & Hercules Recap. Summation: Too many Shadowland tie-ins and we can hardly wait for Chaos King.

7:09 -Jeff Paker is awesome

7:13 -Fancier Dan earns his moniker with a dashing neckerchief

7:17 -Hipster Gepetto teaches dramatic writing.

7:20 -Spain + Newspaper Reporter + Bronze Age = “It’s The Bronze Age”

7:23 -Dan had a dream where he performed “Mummy in America” as Ambush Bug at a Comedy Festival

7:26 -“I got this in the mail in a tiny package -I look like a sex maniac” -Dan

7:30 -Eitan demonstrates his super-strength by moving four chairs at once, with Mike and Wendy sitting in them

7:37 -Discussion of the stage version of “Mummy in America”

7:43 -Alternate Endings to “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”

7:44 -World’s 2^nd Greatest Pokemon Card Game Player

7:48 -Hogwarts is like Waco or Jonestown

7:50 -Poor William Atherton -everyone calls him “dickless”

7:54 -Zack Galifianakis is the contemporary Bill Murray

7:55 -“You just put your finger in my mouth!” -Will

“Don’t worry, I washed my hands purely in in herpes infested semen” -Eitan

“Hey, that sounds like a new Hanson song” -Dan

8:00 -Zack Galifianakis is the modern day Humphrey Bogart.

8:01 -Zack Galifianakis as the entire cast in of “Ghostbusters 3”

8:03 -”If there’s one thing we can teach you in this club, it’s to be couth” *Eitan belches loudly*

8:07 -New Club Rule: No Quidditch

8:08 -”He sold his bed to Nien Nunb!"

8:15 -Eitan cut off one of his Grandma’s fingers in a door jam

8:21 -Now Will is wearing a neckerchief

8:23 -It’s a Fact: Bill Paxton played drums on the original recording of “Sunshine of Your Love”

8:25 -Will’s Sparknotes Bible is autographed by Ronald Reagan

8:27 -Conference call with our missing President -she hung up on us.

8:30 -Free Donkey Kong arcade machine on the 9^th floor of the Tisch building

8:32 -Bible fight!

8:36 -The ending of TORCH #2 is the same as the ending of the “Thriller” music video

8:39 -Giving Wendy the pen knife was a bad idea

8:45 -”If the Batman can do it, why can’t I?” -Dan

8:46 -New Favorite Member: Chair

8:48 -Eitan has the Spengler Effect

8:50 -Mothra Coppola -“Come to me, Mothra. Come to me”

8:52 -“Tojo is a war criminal, not a Godzilla monster!” -Will

8:54 -King Kong’s Brother Theory: The King Kong featured in “Godzilla vs. King Kong” is smaller than the Kong featured in the

original “King Kong“; therefore, we believe that “King” is a title and that the next in line would assume the title after the original Kong’s death at the end the 1933 film, most likely his brother, Larry. The explanation for Larry’s smaller appearance is that it’s like the movie “Twins” -one brother (the original Kong) received all the "desirable traits" and the other (Larry, the 2^nd King) was a "genetic trash".

9:01 -“Godzilla ’98 is when I fell in love with Jean Reno” -Mike

9:03 -Godzilla ’98 was hiding in the River of Slime

9:05 -Minilla…Godzilla’s son’s name is Minilla?!

9:06 -Darwyn Cooke Revenge Fantasy

9:08 -”Kneel Before Eitan!” -Eitan For CBL President Propaganda posters

9:10 -Lovitz & Levitz, Attorneys at Law

9:14 -Our Nega-Levitz is more moley

9:20 -Rory Zip, the hunchback banker